diamond dave

David Lee Roth is one of my heroes. I love early Van Halen and I hated it when he left. I thought his replacement, Sammy Hagar was a pussy (the guy didnt even have long hair) and I ditched loyalty to VH in favour of the David Lee Roth band which had the powerhouse line-up of the man himself, Steve Vai, Billy Sheehan and Greg Bisonette.

"Is this The Darkness", asked Jussi as I drove him to the airport. "No bro, this is the original cock rock. That was only 3 years ago, so I guess this proves DLR's music stands the test of time.

As I sit here at work listening to the "Skyscraper" album on my headphones, it takes me to another place. It's a place that that nobody can follow me to and nobody can really understand (especially those across the office who get the occasional blast of air guitar!) Listening to it cements a moment in time for me. It represents all my muso aspirations when I was in the full flush of youth. Its also the closest thing to a musical wet dream I've ever had. Steve Vai's un-copyable guitar work on both albums used to have me creaming in my pants. Today, it still does.

Being only 18 in 1991, I could only dream of the great gigs, girls, parties and the platinum albums. I was only a moderate guitar player then and I wished my fingers would move faster to follow the searing passages of Ladies Nite in Buffalo or Big Trouble. I only ever saw one guitar player in Somerset ever pull this off, note perfect. His name was James something, and he dropped it into the solo section of White Room by Cream. To say I cacked myself was an understatement. I was amazed, then jealous, then fucking angry that I couldn't do the same. The rest of James' musical feel was fairly shallow - all technique and no phrasing, so I decided I'd hate the guy. I felt better.

Today, in a quieter moment I thought I'd trawl the web to find out what Diamond Dave is up to these days. Along with some great quotes, "I always wanted to be an outrage to public decency and a threat to women. And this is one of the few occupations where you're not only allowed that, buy you're encouraged" the discography and tour dates, I found the Sammy Hagar Random Insult Generator

Get this:
Dear Sammy Hagar: Thanks, I always wondered what chicken-shit, horse-shit and bullshit would smell like if it was all mixed together in one rambling sentence. Now I know.

Dear Sammy Hagar: Shut it, before I jack-hammer your head into the concrete pavement and plant pretty plastic flowers in your ass, you brain-fried gimpzoid spazboy.

Dear Sammy Hagar: Do everyone misfortunate enough to know you a favor become a suicide bomber, you Riverdancing Shirley Temple impersonator.

I'm in the office, I'm crying and my face hurts from laughing