Wednesday, January 21, 2009

kiwi chippy

Now it’s Summer, we're having a few nights of fish n chips by the beach. What could be more kiwi?

Fish n chips seems to have been a british invention and in the 80s was the UKs most popular food - it has since been eclipsed by another very british (sic) food - the curry.

Back back to good ole fush an chups. Some things inherent in the UK fn'c experience haven't travelled well. The absence of vinegar, for example (though the chippy we went to last night had some). In england its salt and vinegar all the way - ketchup is an extra but aioli in particular would be met with some completely blank looks.

Recently, I was in a flash Ponsonby bar/eaterie and when I asked for vinegar with my order, I had to explain in detail to the confused waitress, exactly what it was for. She didn't seem to get it but nevertheless requested some from the chef. Chef seemed just as confused because it arrived 3cm deep in a ramekin - I was expecting it in a shaky plastic bottle.

Most annoying about the kiwi fish n chip experience is the waiting around. Christ, you lot, do you really tolerate as part of your everyday existence?? I know, I know, you are all now shouting "Phone first and order." but why? If you phoned a British chippy, they'd think you were mad or a prank call - nobody phones a chippy. But they do here.
Why? Well, heres the root of your problem New Zealand, because you take too bloody long to cook your chips.

Here is a winning idea from the UK chip shops: cook your chips before and keep em hot, simple.

Now don't start with me about soggy chips blah blah blah, only best cooked from fresh because that's bullshit. If I'd seen actually freshly peeled potatoes cut up in piles then you'd have me but I've seen chip shop chips and they come frozen in a bag, so there's your lecture on freshness out the window.

As a chippy owner, you know that you sell x amount of chips and you know your busiest times, so with that info you can cook off 2kg of chips and be confident that they won't be sat around for more than 3-5minutes. In comes your customer, their fish order goes in the fryer (2-3 mins) out comes the cooked fish, whack in the ready cooked chips and Bobs your uncle: customer served in optimum time.

The knock-on effect. Less waiting times, shorter queues means more customers. News of faster service will spread like wildfire, cos lets face it, no other bugger is doing it, and that will bring you more customers. All you then need to do is franchise the idea and CLEAN UP. You'll be sitting on a mountain of cash! Just don't forget the frickin' vinegar.